Where VBS pickup causes me to question my size, minivan and faith.

Charlie is still not walking so we have placed in him old Frankenstein walking shoes (Sadie's, thankfully brown) to help his feet stay somewhat flat as opposed to the tippy toes he is fond of. While these shoes are perfectly appropriate for an Arctic jaunt they look woefully conspicuous on a June day in St. Louis.

Add me sweating, hunched over holding his hand attempting to locate three other kids that have very certain ideas of where they would like to go and are fairly confident that not listening to me is worth whatever lame consequence I can come up with.

Add a stage full of beach accoutrement's more glorious that any real beach I have ever seen and then forbid actual play on said stage.

Add adorable moms streaming in from all directions refreshed after their brisk efficient work-outs in spandex that due to their size they may LEAVE ON IN PUBLIC.

Add everyone knows everyone and whilst tossing their recently highlighted hair they laugh and plan play dates.

Add each and every large SUV/ minivan no older than 2010 in the St. Louis area.

Back to me, still sweating, leading Frankenstein baby, sobbing 5 year old (she didn't get sand in a bottle as did her two sisters, TRAGIC), snarky 7 year old and a 3 year old whining that her sand bottle is TOO HEAVY, to our very dirty, dented 2005 minivan that is the nicest car I ever owned and that I adore but suddenly seems so very very OLD. All this while dodging vehicles and threatening removal of all that is good in my children's lives to keep them holding hands and somewhat close to my five feet tall motherly protection.

To make matters worse the past two days upon exiting the building I have been trapped behind two blond moms with legs that come up to my neck and cheerful skipping children who stay OFF the stage and ON the sidewalk outside.

As they load their perfect spawn into luxurious suburban chariots off to swimming/tennis/water polo lessons, I thank the Lord above that I only have three days left of this madness and I vow to apply lipstick in the morning and maybe even WASH MY HAIR. I think it might help.