

Today has been a really hard day. Our oldest Sadie is struggling at school and I feel like my heart is breaking. This may be because I am 13 days away from a c-section but it still feels like it is breaking. Sadie has figured out there are some adults she can manipulate and she is trying to figure out if her teacher is one of them. Of course the answer is NO but trying to explain this to Sadie is difficult. I believe with all my heart that children feel loved when their parents are in control. They feel safe and cared for, they may not like our rules or bedtimes but in the end they understand deep down it is for the best. Of course I fail all the time, I yell or give in, I have to apologize. But overall everyday we struggle to keep being consistent. The trouble is I can't watch over Sadie every second and make sure she is listening and obeying trusted adults at all times and in that way I am feeling like a failure. I want to never let her out of my sight so I can make she is never in a position of power, that she always gets to be the child whether she likes it or not. I rely on others for childcare, perhaps too frequently, and I don't see it getting any better as Charlies arrival comes closer. I think at this point all I can do is pray. Pray for her to obey her teacher, pray for the adults in her life to realize that instant gratification and getting her way is actually doing so much more harm than good, and pray that God gives me grace through it all.